A Tugging from the Heart
Tugging from the Heart
I had a friend cry out to me this morning about family pulling him from each limb like he was some kind of Gumby being stretched far beyond his physical, financial and mental boundaries. He clearly was about to break. I felt for him. I've been there, done that.
Creating boundaries is the hardest paradigm to accomplish in life, especially with family members. When you havemore money than a sibling, and they ask like this: "Brother, I don't have the money to pay my rent, and I'm going to get evicted," what do you do?
When your best friend pulls you into an abusive situation with a spouse or a child and leaves you there to fend for yourself, because he/she can't make the right decision and she thinks you can, what do you do?
I've learned from 51 years of life, getting stuck with unpaid debt, strangling triangulation, and unfair guilt, that I wasn't put here on this earth to wrestle with anyone else's problems but my own. The definition of codependency is for a dependent (someone who must lean on another for life) needs to find another to support their existence. If you are that person, you are a codependent. If you want to stay a codependent the rest of your life, have at it. If you don't... read on.
First of all, there are groups.. Coda (codependents anonymous) or a therapist or a life coach can help you figure out how to unhook from unhealthy behavior. But most of all, you must look inside and see, first, what feels right to your heart--NOT WHAT FEELS satiating to the guilt. You learned a long time ago to respond to guilt, and it's time to let go of that response. No dependent finds his or her way by leaning on a codependent. A dependent has to fall and fail and learn to walk on his/her own--the same way a child learns to walk.
Today's prayer: "God, I need some help here. I've been smothering in my desire to help everybody in my life, but me. I'm overweight, struggling with finance, anxious, and sad. Mostly because I can't seem to find the time to help myself. Help me say NO to all the unhealthy codependency in my life, and YES to your nurturing self love! I believe I'm worth my own time and energy. I know you love me. And it is time to begin to start loving myself!"
I had a friend cry out to me this morning about family pulling him from each limb like he was some kind of Gumby being stretched far beyond his physical, financial and mental boundaries. He clearly was about to break. I felt for him. I've been there, done that.
Creating boundaries is the hardest paradigm to accomplish in life, especially with family members. When you havemore money than a sibling, and they ask like this: "Brother, I don't have the money to pay my rent, and I'm going to get evicted," what do you do?
When your best friend pulls you into an abusive situation with a spouse or a child and leaves you there to fend for yourself, because he/she can't make the right decision and she thinks you can, what do you do?
I've learned from 51 years of life, getting stuck with unpaid debt, strangling triangulation, and unfair guilt, that I wasn't put here on this earth to wrestle with anyone else's problems but my own. The definition of codependency is for a dependent (someone who must lean on another for life) needs to find another to support their existence. If you are that person, you are a codependent. If you want to stay a codependent the rest of your life, have at it. If you don't... read on.
First of all, there are groups.. Coda (codependents anonymous) or a therapist or a life coach can help you figure out how to unhook from unhealthy behavior. But most of all, you must look inside and see, first, what feels right to your heart--NOT WHAT FEELS satiating to the guilt. You learned a long time ago to respond to guilt, and it's time to let go of that response. No dependent finds his or her way by leaning on a codependent. A dependent has to fall and fail and learn to walk on his/her own--the same way a child learns to walk.
Today's prayer: "God, I need some help here. I've been smothering in my desire to help everybody in my life, but me. I'm overweight, struggling with finance, anxious, and sad. Mostly because I can't seem to find the time to help myself. Help me say NO to all the unhealthy codependency in my life, and YES to your nurturing self love! I believe I'm worth my own time and energy. I know you love me. And it is time to begin to start loving myself!"
Posted by Your Gay Friend's Guide Blog at 1/31/2012 10:31 AM 
Categories: love, relationship, Mental Health Relationships:Life Coach:Hypnotherapy, Voice Lessons, relationships, relationship Advice, Relationship Advice, Psychology for an Authentic Self, sex, Relationship, Sex, advice
Tags: self-love self-esteem self-help self-care codepency
Categories: love, relationship, Mental Health Relationships:Life Coach:Hypnotherapy, Voice Lessons, relationships, relationship Advice, Relationship Advice, Psychology for an Authentic Self, sex, Relationship, Sex, advice
Tags: self-love self-esteem self-help self-care codepency
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