I'm one step over a 1/2 century old. That seems monumental to me in one sense--like I've lived through 15 lifetimes and stories and personalities. In another sense, I feel like I have just barely stepped one toe into life--that the NOW is the beginning over and over and over again.

I've noticed one aspect of life, more than any as I have grown older: People seem to be dying more often. This makes me sad. But it also makes me value relationships more. I seem to breathe into good times and feel them with all the gusto I've got--a good attribute to gain.

I don't notice my looks changing much, but do notice others changing. I "feel" myself metamorphasizing more than I see myself change. I feel my bones and muscles releasing their agility to the hardened, arthritic constriction age brings. Thank God for yoga in my life. I don't know what I would do if I hadn't started a program like yoga 20 years ago that gives me insight into my body and allows me control over my breath. Mostly it gives me a chance for daily rejuvenation. 

I love my life. It has taken 51 years to say that. I love the people who have left my life and the people who have stayed. I love each of them for knowing growth takes time away and time together. Maybe love will weave us back together again, maybe not. One thing I know: I'll never forget the good times. I'll cherish them as I do all good things in life, and go back to them when I feel down and forgotten. 

Age made me stronger. Everyday I seem to take back my power from whomever is trying to steal it, and their are many forces working against all of us--more against us than for us, unfortunately. But the greatest power is our ability to stand in our peace and in our goodness, and not be shaken by others or by circumstance. I know that time can always make a difference and create objectivity.

I have an experience that I'm reflecting on that makes me see the reality of how time can change a situation completely. When I was in NYC, I asked a lovely woman, Marina, to marry me. We were going to a Pentecostal church then. We were both singers and asked to be a part of the music ministry. The music minister at the time asked to take me to lunch to get a feel for who I was. We had a pleasant time. I shared with him during that lunch that I didn't have any judgement for people who were homosexual, as I had lived my life in both worlds and wasn't a judge. As a result of that lunch, Marina and I were asked not to be a part of the music ministry team.

Years later, the man who had lunch with me ended up in Nashville at a prominent church as the music minister, married with 4 children. He came out as a gay man and was quicly plucked from his position. He contacted me and sent me the most beautiful, apologetic letter and wanted to meet with me. I had no idea he was in Nashville, yet he knew of me the entire time. He is now a good friend. 

What I know now is that love takes time. Something similar happened to my best friend in college. His wife hid my letters to him for years. Until his divorce, he didn't even know I cared or was reaching out. So, this has changed my perspective.

Perspective is the biggest thing that has changed in my life. I'm not as apt to react in a negative way to life. I see that time and situations usually have meaning. People give their lives for a purpose. God has purpose for all things. Sometimes you just have to wait for a long time to see it. In my case with my college roommate, it was 20 years. With the church leader, it was 18 years. In many other times in my life, it wasn't as long. But wait, sometimes you must.

My partner at present was a friend for 15 years. There were times in our lives I would have thought he and I could have never been together, or even imagined it. But now, I can't imagine being without him. Will that change? Maybe. I'm not pessimistic. I'm a realist. 

Life is about change. We all change. Circumstances change. One thing I know for sure about relationship as soon as I enter in: At one point, it's going to end. It's written into the contract. Someone is going to die, to leave, to move... This is going to happen to the person you're with or you. It's not pessimistic. It's reality. 

So, what have I learned: Live life to its fullest. Live every moment like it counts! Listen to that small voice that leads you... it may be leading you to your pot of gold or to a beautiful rainbow. It maybe leading you to place of remorse or regret. None of it is bad. It's all for a purpose and it's my choice to see it that way!

Namaste.