Integrity?

A friend recently accused me of not having integrity. I have to say I was a little shocked. By my definition, integrity means that you act from your authentic self, leading with compassion first for the world, then for yourself. I try my damnedest to do that everyday, but you know, we’re human. We fall short most of the time.

            I asked him, “How did I hurt you?”

            He wouldn’t answer for a while, which was disconcerting. There is nothing worse than someone telling you that you have hurt them and not telling you what it is you have done. But eventually he told me.

            It turned out that someone had shared with him information about me that was untrue or eschewed. He chose to believe that information, and therefore felt I was acting out of integrity.

            How can a person who is trying to be authentic and live a life of truth stay honest to himself when others are lying about him? You know that is a very good question. It makes me wonder who may be marauding as my friend or acquaintance (more likely) and trying to woo my other friend to his or her lair at the same time.

            Do I become distrustful and not speak of my relationships to anyone? That sounds like an option. I thought about that. But people are asking me all the time: Have you seen such and such? How is he or she doing? I usually give a generic answer that is completely innocuous and couldn’t be misconstrued. But, let’s face it, if someone wants to be mean and has an agenda, they are going to say what they want with whatever flavor they choose to make their point palatable.

            My point being, we can’t have another person’s integrity for them. We have to live in our own integrity and be satisfied with where that leads us. We can only be as honest as our hearts will let us in any given day. If that is not enough, then we go back and make amends later.

            I’ve had to do that very thing recently. Sometime this is not from dishonesty, but from just pure meanness. Certain people bring that out of us. You know what I mean and who I’m talking about. We all have that person in our lives. I have two people in my life that just bring out the worst in me. I wish it weren’t true, but it is.

            These two people have wronged me in the worst way, and because of that, I feel I am JUSTIFIED TO channel all my bad thoughts and evil towards them. Every once in a while, each of them might get an email. It is never pretty. I might just do it to ensue a fight. I might need to fight with someone, because anger builds up and sometimes yoga, meditation, and OOMMM just can’t get it out.  LOL

            Integrity is being honest with yourself and with your humanness. It’s okay to be all the crap that sometimes your humanness is. It is okay to want Little Debbie HO HOs; eat half the box, and put the rest of the box in some guy’s car who looks like he might need the rest. It is okay to kick a tree until you stub your toe. It’s okay to get angry in traffic until you flip off a nun. But REMEMBER: this is not your center, not your true Self. Who you really are is made and created in the image of God. Your True Self is honest, loving, beautiful, compassionate, and helpful.

            Yes, you may get off-track. Yes, you may do the wrong thing. But no one knows your story but God. God is the only Judge. So, when it comes to integrity, in front of the living Spirit of Truth is where you should stand to discover if you are living your truth.