When Anger Overwhelms You

Have you ever had one of those days when you just woke up angry? The day could be sunny, rainy, cold, hot—doesn’t matter—you’re just pissed at everyone and everything living.

Usually, you think the emotions came out of nowhere. But if you are honest with yourself, you probably had something trigger the feeling the day before, or the day before that.

Sometimes when people hurt you or disappoint you, instead of feeling hurt, we get angry, because it’s an easier feeling to deal with. Because anger is one of those emotions we tend to throw at people, never really looking inside.

Recently, I had a dear friend from out of town disappoint me. I had expectations (Lord, how many times do we have to learn to curb the expectations?) to meet with him and have some time before he would be a way for a long time. The situation, the traffic, the check out at Opryland Hotel, all conspired against us to end up barely getting to say goodbye. I felt in that moment, if I had been a fuel tank, that I had lost about ½ a tank of gas. Everything inside of me started to whither with disappointment. But that wasn’t the worst of it. I tried to just put it aside. I didn’t sit with it and feel it like a healthy person. I called a few people and had some long conversations that took my attention off of me until I got good and tired, then fell asleep.

            However, the next day I woke up angry as hell. I was pissed at everyone who had done something wrong to me since the beginning of time. Not only that, I felt vengeful. I wanted to get even. I was the little boy who was helpless and getting abused and didn’t have anywhere to go, but inside, into my fantasies of growing older and stronger to get even. But here I was—older and stronger—and feeling helpless and angry like a boy.

            You see, that’s the paradigm of unfelt feelings. If we don’t sit with all of our feelings and process them, they are going to find their way out of us. Most of the time, it is going to be in unhealthy ways.

            If you find yourself really angry and you’re not sure why, take a look at the time before your anger. Is there a feeling you haven’t processed, an anger or anxiety waiting for your undivided attention? Anger may be the fuel you need to lead you back to yourself and the very thing you are running away from.

            My friend Donna and I decided we were going to call this time of uncovering the old patterns of life, Spring Awakening… Lots of stuff is coming up in the garden these days. I’d say about 2/3 of my garden right now is weeds. It takes a good eye to know which seedlings are going to be flowers and which need to be plucked out before they take over the garden. Use this time for some Spring Awakening and some self search. Use your anger as fuel to become a better, healthier person.