Blog  Entry 1-26-11

When Sadness Overwhelms You

I’ve had so many clients lately who have been stricken with overwhelming sadness. They sit down in the reclining massage chair (everyone wants to marry that chair) and begin to unfold mostly ambiguous feelings of sadness that seem to have been following them from morning to night. They can’t seem to shake the malaise.

We talk about when this discomfort began. Most clients say it just swept in one morning and suddenly a smoky gray blanket of sadness just seemed to permeate every action, every emotion, every relationship. No matter how hard they try to shake it, the sadness just follows them.

I’ve been there. Believe me. I definitely have felt that feeling before. I remember reading a book called “The Dark Night of the Soul” by Gerald G. May. In the book May talked about how everyone experiences times of sadness and joy. The key to defining and getting the most of out the experiences of darkness is to go into your sadness. The yogis say to breath the sadness in and fill your body with it until you are completely consumed with it. Experience all of it. Don’t be afraid of it. It’s only an energy and experience.

When we feel sadness completely, we can help it talk to us and share what it needs to say to help us through to the next step of life. There is a Gestalt psychology theory that would allow you to personify your sadness and actually talk to it. Even sadness is here for our growth and to help define us. When have you not grown from something that you have had to grieve through?

Life is defined by how we handle our sadness and pain, not by how high we can jump when we win the lottery.

So, listen to the sadness and talk to it. See what it has to say. Mine might say, “You are taking on too much, Bo. You are not taking time for yourself again. Your plate is too full and all of your energy is going to everyone but you. You need some love and care.”

If my sadness were to say that, I may take a weekend off for a spa weekend and let everyone in my life tend to themselves and their own problems.  I would see what life would feel like without me feeling as if I had to bear the burdens of the world.

Do you see what I’m talking about?

I’ll give you one more example:  Sadness may say, “Bo, you are in a friendship/ relationship that is taking way too much and not giving anything back. You have been letting this friendship pull at you for far too long and it’s time to do something about it.”

In this instance, I would take some time to contemplate a plan of action to understand why I would let someone take away my power. Then I would do all that I could to regain it. This may include getting some help from a practitioner (a life coach, a therapist, a hypnotherapist, a psychiatrist, a spiritual healer).

Sadness is real, but it’s not a bad thing. It can transform your life if you let it.