Sex or Intimacy? What usually wins out and Why?

Sex or Intimacy? What usually wins out and Why?

Let's start from a feminine point of view (this dynamic could mean the intrinsic traits of the female part of you or an actual female).

The feminine point of view is almost always interested in Intimacy and relationship. It is the nurturer and the long standing supporter in our hearts. So, by nature it would want what happens in the long-term situations to be more significant than the short term. 

The masculine point of view is most generally generated by the Now and the physical. It isn't usually interested in what will happen tomorrow. It wants what it wants, and it wants it now, similar to a two year old mentality.

Can there be a balance between two very different parts of our soul or two very different traits as humans?

I think there can be a balance. But we have to start out with the ability to be watchful of ourselves and our behavior. We have to become the observer of our actions. And with that, we have to be a compassionate observer. All being said, then we can begin to witness our humanity in action and feel the presence of that master mind that controls our emotions and our bodies. With no sense of this highest self--the master mind, we will continue to operate as starved sexually, starved emotionally, and starved physically, which will lead our souls to the path of destruction, ultimately.

When I finally started to witness my actions, sexually and emotionally, I became aware of how often the starved mind controlled my behavior. What I wanted intrinsically didn't matter in that selfish moment. This is very much like being on a diet and breaking down with a hot fudge sunday. You want to lose weight, but in the moment of the strongest temptation you become weak. 

This is not because you are intrinsically weak. Your actions are a result of the master mind losing control to the starved mind. Without the objective point of view of the compassionate observer, you have no chance at delineating who is in control. You end up feeling like a failure and your self image weakens. 

I spent a year not dating because I realized after about 50 failed dates that what I wanted in the long term and what I would accept in the short term were two different things. I struggled to maintain my objective self in intimate situations, especially with a strong passion and a starved sexual point of view.

I began to discover that my relationship with myself was the real problem. I wasn't protecting myself in many intimate situations. I would give of myself emotionally before it was safe and before it was time, because I had let my starved mind gain control of my body. As I let the master mind get stronger, this problem became less an issue.  And after a year I began to date, soon to find someone who was safe and compassionate to my needs.  


Posted by Your Gay Friend's Guide Blog at 5/1/2010 10:27 AM
Categories: relationship Advice
Tags: Help finding True Intimacy Relationship Advice relationship Advice from a gay friend
 

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