The Difference in a Word.

It has been said that nowhere in the world can you learn the lessons of the heart faster than in relationship. I'll have to say that is completely true. I'm amazed at how easy it is, after not living with someone for 10 years, to walk away and forget to say "I love you" or even say "good-bye."

The difference one word can make in a conversation that can appear to be tenuous, and really isn't is quite amazing. 

My partner and I had a funny moment this morning when he thought I was upset that he was upset (frustrated at a computer malfunction) because I didn't kiss him goodbye when I took my mother to the shoe store. 

I seriously didn't have a clue anything was wrong with him. He was having anxiety because he thought I was upset that he was upset. I felt bad. But we both laughed as we discussed how not to let that happen again. 

My mind was simply on appeasing my 80-year-old mother. She can be demanding when she has to go somewhere for an appointment. LOL  My life!

But one word could have made a difference. A kiss could have made a difference. A smile could have made a difference. We forget that communication is the key to a good relationship, especially after you have been in one for a long time. 

The majority of my clients have been in long-term relationships. Each of them can tell myriad of stories about how each partner has gone weeks without even speaking. Crazy stuff, especially when you are raising children. 

Communication is important on all levels: at work, at home, with yourself, with your children. You must trust your emotions enough to speak what you feel and follow up with the actions that show you mean what you say, loving or when your are putting up safe boundaries. 

Love yourself enough today to do this functional necessity. And love someone else in your life enough to say that one word that lets him or her know you care!

Feelings... Nothing More than Feelings.

When I think of the cheesiest song you can imagine, I often think of "Feelings." But when I actually break down the words and look at them spiritually, I think the writer may have had a good point. 

In matters of love and work and anger and even joy, how long does one really hold on to his/her feelings. AND... the big AND is that these ephemeral, fleeting feelings usually take you to a place of deep healing and retrospect you needed to get to in your next step on your path toward wherever you're going toward in life and spiritually. I know they have in my world. 

Granted all feelings are different. Some are skin deep, some go down to the depths of your being and stick in your crawl for a long time until you deal with them in counseling or with a forgiveness coach. But either way, the feelings change. They morf into something different daily. This shows us that they are moving, changing things.

I like a story my pastor told yesterday about a nonbelieving brain surgeon.  He was asked about believing in spirituality. The brain surgeon  said, "When I operate on a brain, I don't see spirit."

The wise man answered, "When you operate on a brain, do you see a thought? Surely you believe thoughts exist." 

I guess seeing a thought would be the same as seeing a feeling. Who doesn't believe a feeling exists? Yet, there is no evidence of one in matter or form.  They change and effect matter as something tangible. 

When you have a feeling, the best thing to do is to sit with it. Figure out where its coming from. Is it an old feeling that has come up from a trigger that happened recently. Or are you sitting on a feeling that happened from an action someone did or an action that happened recently? When you discover what kind of feeling you have, the next thing to do is to take it to God or Spirit.

Let's face it. We are hopelessly deficient in changing our minds and feelings. We can talk ourselves out of most things, but they have a way of staying somewhere in our subconscious mind and in our body. God, however, has a way of working spiritual, healing powers in your life to move you forward through your pain and into liberation, if you are willing to feel what is there and work through it. 

If someone leaves your life, trust me, you are not just feeling the departure of that person. You are feeling every abandonment issue from your entire life. So, it would be best to take the time to work through it now, before it bites you in the ass again.

I'm telling you this as a person who has spent 51 years looking at my pretty broken life and wondering if I could ever be whole. I took every opportunity to look deeply into my past and fit the pieces together, no matter how hard it was. One day I woke up and I realized I was on the way to normal.

 

You can do it too. One step at a time. One feeling at a time. With God's help, and maybe the help of a someone who understands the process...

The Race Is on...

Get ready. 

Get set.

Go.

Your adrenals are firing adrenaline into your body. The fight or flight mode has kicked in. You are ready to thrust off of the starting block with all your might.

But where are you running to? What is your goal? Do you even know with what means you'll get there?

A good builder starts with a plan. Once the plan is in place, then he or she draws a model, works out expenses, and decides where and when to build--Or if it is even feasible to build. Do you have a plan?

I'm a dreamer. I spend a great majority of my off time and time before I sleep fantasizing about the future. I imagine big--grande even. I always see myself with way more than I have. I see myself building additions on my house, a swimming pool in the back yard, getting my dream Lexus convertible. I spend more time dreaming then planning, I have to admit.

I don't have the exact plans for much of what I do. I never have. But I do have a plan for my life daily and possibly weekly. I leave the rest up to Spirit's leading. Sometime the best laid plans are laid waste by something that happens that isn't our will. 

When it was the day of my last book launch, Nashville had its big flood. I planned for 6 months for the launch. There was nothing I could do about that. My plans were awash with the flood. It took an entire year for God to remake the plans for the book's arrival on the scene and get it on the bestseller's list. Trust me, it wasn't me who did it. But I did dream of it, many times. I did little to make what happen, happen. 

Life is a balance of dreaming and planning. We can plan for the best and get knocked on our head. We can dream big and see little hope for quite some time. But one thing is for sure. A good plan, a good dream and a time to act is needed for anything you choose to do. And if you're a spiritual person, it doesn't hurt to have an angel or two helping you along the path too. 

One thing is for sure, don't run a race without a plan. Always include in your plan a moment before to ask for guidance. It might be the difference between running in the snow or running in the sun.

New Growth.

I keep watching everyday for something new to bloom in my garden. Today it is a Rose of Sharon and a few new day lilies. I see new flowers perking out from the ground: tomatoes getting ready to become fruit, the smell basil and rosemary and oregano are fragrantly lilting through the air. 

I think of how something new is blooming in my life everyday if I watch closely, as well. And there is probably something new germinating, carefully taking root and popping out from the ground to show me it has found new life. We have to keep a watchful eye on the things we are wishing for, sowing seeds for, in our lives. There is no reason why prosperity shouldn't be germinating right before our very eyes. "Plant a radish, get a radish. Never any doubt."

I think that is why Jesus loved to use parables about seeds so much. The miracle of something growing is so important for us to see the wonder of a thought magically growing into reality. 

I had a client yesterday tell me a story about how she let a small thought about making money turn into the greatest gift of prosperity in her life thus far. She said it was almost like magic, but the key ingredient was faith. She said, she had $1000 left in her bank account when she told God that she would use it if she had to get what she needed to let the dream manifest. Today, she still has the $1000 in that account, and never had to touch it. Faith got her to her dream without ever having to sacrifice hunger and insecurity.

I love the story, especially, because I know she can bring that same magic to other areas of her life, if she could just reinitiate the process of faith in relationships, art, home life, other business projects, etc. 

And so can you. What creation takes is:

1. An Idea (thought in action)

2. Believing that you and God can begin to act on the project together... 

3. Calling upon that power within you and in the universe.

4. Envisioning it and continuing to have faith in it.

5. Holding fast to the vision no matter what you see in front of you. 

These are the key factors to bringing forth new life. Now go forth and manifest... 

Change Your Mind, Change Your Body.

Your body is a mirror for what happens in your mind and spirit. If you change your mind, your body will soon follow along. That being said, if you body is sick, it may be because you have some sick thoughts that need to be dealt with. (I'm going to say right off, this doesn't necessarily mean that every sickness has this correlation, but it's worth a good look.)

The spirit body has energy centers in the human body called Chakras. Each chakra gives spiritual energy to the human body, regulated by the human mind. Think of it as a spiritual bank account you're giving enough energy to, to support bills you have to pay.

For example, your stomach area is a chakra that is responsible for your relationship to self (self-esteem, self-care, habits, weight gain, smoking, addictions like alcohol). If you have issues with bad self-esteem, use addictions to cover your sad feelings, then you are probably supporting a large stomach. Maybe you will soon find yourself losing so much energy from that chakra that you will have intestinal problems and stomach problems as well. 

You only get a certain amount of energy a day to invest in that account. If you use it wisely, you will support your energy system. If you carelessly use it, it will be depleted and zap the energy from your physical body and cause sickness, because everyone needs energy to survive. So, the support system from the spirit/mind/body is manipulated to the energy sucking side. The metaphor where the mind is now thinking bad thoughts and the body is proving the thoughts are correct are in place. You are now a picture of "what you sow, you shall reap."

There is a perfect paradigm in the Universe. If you work the spiritual and mental places to your benefit, your body will be healthier and you'll be led to caregiving that will help you deal with problems that, perhaps, you have had your entire life due to predisposed issues from genetics, as well. 

A healthy spirit and a healthy mind, usually means you are on your way to a healthy body. This may not always be true. But for the most part, actively trying to create balance in your mind and body is a great thing to achieve.

What Happens Next?

I had a close friend tell me a story of helping people with Post Traumatic Stress. He shared in the midst of a bad mental break, he would have a client repeat after him a list of numbers in tangible order. Then begin to create disorder, adding wrong numbers and even random words, confusing the logical side of the brain. This method has been used to help diffuse PTSD triggers in many cases. 

So, yesterday, I had a PTSD moment and decided to try it without a practitioner's help. I began to think of a logical set of numbers and repeated them while putting illogical words and numbers in the place of what logically should go there. It actually worked in minutes. 

I realized that the reason it work was the logic sequence of my brain was moving toward a + b = c, a normal progression for depression. So, if I messed up the logic, I would mess up the progression toward depression. A fairly simple idea to help a fairly large problem. 

Today I began to think about the television show "Touch," where a young, mute child decides to help the world by deciphering the randomness of the world by using numbers. As I was thinking about my disordered number pattern, I began to think that somewhere "this" was order. And the patterns in my life, though they seemed completely random, were causing synchronistic events somewhere along the path of someone's life, and perhaps mine after a while. 

All in all, even what seems illogical is perfectly logical to God. Because no one can even begin to decipher the paranormal events that bring together the world and all of its wonderful and magical and tragic factors that make us human living in a spiritual phenomena. 

Today, I pray for the faith to help me live in this mass confusion with grace.

Bo Says: Take One Step to the Left.

We spend our entire life moving forward toward our goals, backward when we're kicked in the belly, and standing still most of the time, as life doesn't often really inspire us to move anywhere. But what about sideways--right out of our comfortable paradigm--not up, not down, just a little eschew.

Yesterday I spent the entire day doing just that. It was crazy fun. By 11 pm, I was taking a power walk on not-so-safe streets of downtown Nashville with 3 crazy friends. By the end of the day, I crashed in bed and slept like a baby. I spent time with people I generally don't spend time with, I did things out of my paradigm, and I enjoyed every moment of it. 

I think I'm going to begin scheduling some of my time off each week to do just that. What a relief to know that I haven't done everything there is to be done and seen everything there is to be seen in Nashville. I actually have new options. The variables are crazy wonderful and smell like gardenias blooming on my pillow on a spring morning. 

Today, I just want to encourage my friends to take some risks. Have dinner and lunch with different friends. Schedule a game night with people you don't normally spend time with. Meet new people. Walk new roads. Plunge into new waters. 

You'll find your life refreshing and plentiful, as I did.

Blessings! 

Protecting Your Singing Voice.

In a place called Nashville, everyone is interested in protecting his or her singing voice. Who better to ask than someone who has been teaching voice for 30 years. (Yes, I'm that old.)

First, spring is in the air. I have one word for you--well two words: Netti Pot. If you haven't gotten one, you need to. They are the ultimate prophylactic helper in times when nasal drainage is stomping on your singing or speaking voice. Pollen causes histamine reaction in the body. Histamine causes a flood of extra mucous to appear in the nasal and chest cavities. You can get rid of it with the netti pot (at least in the nasal cavity) before it becomes a breeding ground for bacteria and gives you more reason to fret.

Second, steam is a great way to keep your throat healthy. If you don't have a personal steamer, Walgreens sells them. They are great. They act like a personal facial. You put your face on it (basically nose and mouth and take deep breaths for 10 minutes-breathing in very hot steam). This will kill any nasties in the throat and rejuvenate any dry areas in the throat and nose. Dryness can also be a breeding ground for sickness. 

Third, don't smoke or be around cigarettes. If you are a singer who smokes, you are just being foolish. Eventually you will sound like a warbling old person, and, of course, will probably get lung cancer. But if you're thinking about your singing voice, it's not helping. It is causing those histamines to collect and mucous to build up. That's why you wake up hacking every morning.

Fourth, warm up before you sing. The vocal chords, the pharyngeal pillars (the mechanism the closes the fold of the vocal chords), the soft palate, the intercostal muscles (that push the breath out), and the epiglotis (the steering mechanism that takes the sound either to the head or chest chamber) are all muscles that need warming before the body feels safe to give you its best. 

If you don't have a vocal coach that can give you a good warm up, get one. I have a warm-up on CD or MP3 you can get for a small amount of money or come in to my studio to get one that is designed for you. But get one. You need it for your health.

Fifth, warm down after a long performance. You've seen runners stretching after a long run. It's the same thing here. You have to hum and do something physically strenuous at the same time for about 5 minutes to give the body and vocal mechanism a chance to settle. 

All that being said, I hope you sing your best and share your light with the world. Remember: vocal health is not about becoming an opera singer. It's about learning the difference between harming or helping yourself to your authentic sound!

Who's Your Momma?

Today is the day we celebrate mothers or the people in our lives who have been surrogate mothers. Let's hear it for a compassionate heart, the loving like no other special love could, the healing with a tender hand, the telling us like it is, and the giving us human life!

There is nothing like a mother, especially when she lives up to the role. 

I'm blessed to have a mother who, though she left six children because of a painful divorce, has found her way back to my life and has recreated motherhood and healed all the tender places my life had been broken because of her departure. 

It is never too late to be who you are intended to be. That's the lesson I have learned from my mother. She has told me that her intention when she left, was to leave my father and find a place for us. She was going to get all her children back. 

But my father found a way to stop her and scared the beJesus out of all of us childre. He told us we couldn't see her or talk to her. I remember thinking I would be put in jail if I talked with her. So, I didn't see my mother for 6 of my formative years, until she found a way (God found a way) to get Mom back into our lives. 

Soon after we moved back in with her, I moved to college, she moved to Arizona and I spent most of my adulthood not knowing my mother. But, again, God found a way to heal a much needed feeling of abandonment when my sister Cheryl moved to Arizona and my mother asked me if she could move into my apartment attached to my house. 

During the last 4 years I have found the mother I lost when I was a child, and she has rediscovered the son she had to leave because of a painful marriage. Everyone who meets my mother now calls her Mom. She is cool. She is loving. She if funny. She is mostly the one who accepts everyone I bring into our lives as her child. 

She is Mother.

How Do You Handle a Loss of Power?

Most people come to me depleted and wondering why they feel so disenfranchised and full of anxiety. At the heart of almost every problem is a loss of power. 

Some people give it away. Some people are coerced to give it away. Some people have their power snatched away by force. And the most unfortunate, are so young they have no choice in the matter. 

Most people who come in to see me (and this may sound so bizarre, have lost their power to a thing, not a person). The thing is usually food or cigarettes or sex or gambling or pornography. This is the easiest of all places to retrieve your power, because it is within your own power and your power only to get back what you alone have given away. 

But when the transgression has come from another person, the matter gets a little stickier. Forgiveness, boundaries, legalities, and the retrieval of your authentic power all have to be put into their proper place for your health to come back. 

This takes time and the  of a good mental health practitioner. Don't expect to do something this hard on your own. You are not Svengali. Each step takes special care in the doing to help mend your heart and retrieve that power you so rightfully deserve. 

If you are one who has been mentally, spiritually, or physically raped or abused, my prayer is this for you today:

"Spirit God, help me find a way to reach out of my pain and find help. More importantly, I need to forgive myself, forgive You, and try to see what has happened to me as a chance for me to learn a strong lesson about losing my power. There is a powerful God strength inside of me that I know I want to access. Please help me find it again. Lead me to the person who will help me retrieve it without judgement and without pity."

(I want you to know, friends, that I, too, had been raped as a child. I know, full well that regaining my power has been a life-long job. I accept it fully now. I know that if I touch only one person with what I know and what I learned, I will have succeeded in making it all worth the fight. Much love. Bo)