If your sights are set on marriage, you need to be watching for these six signs from men as you are dating:

 Does he expect you to do all the cooking?

 Does he offer to take you out to dinner sometimes?

 Does he help clean up the dishes, bathroom, and bedroom?

 Is he interdependent concerning you, or is he maintaining a self- sufficient life?

 Is he comfortable talking about the future?

 Are his goals compatible with yours?

These are all things that you must look for when it comes to finding men who are capable and ready for a long-term, committed relationship. If a man falls short in some categories, let it be in looks, dress, or personality. Don’t let it be in one of the more critical aspects of survival: jobs, maintaining a vehicle, cleaning the house, etc. Otherwise, you may end up being one of those grief-stricken women working a full-time job, taking care of the children, and cleaning the house. Who could bear that? This same man usually meets some young chicken while sitting at the local coffee shop having his breakfast.

        

If you haven't heard, my book The Girlfriend's Guide is now entitled: Your Gay Friend's Guide to Understanding Men.

        

Sensitivity

The most important exterior difference between men and women is in the tactile senses. When a woman touches something, she smells it, sees it, tastes it, hears it, and feels it, all with the same touch. Her senses are physically and spiritually heightened; her touch is soft and pure.

A man, on the other hand, doesn’t have the innate sensitivity to see anything beyond its natural state, unless he has taken time to nurture his inner being, which most men don’t.

I watched a comedy last night on television, and the male character had gone off the deep end with his innate masculine desires. He felt he had betrayed his masculinity by becoming a sensitive man for the women in his life. He admitted he wanted to be dominant, he wanted to be the solitary workforce and wanted his wife to stay home and raise children, he wanted his needs to come first, and he finally was proud to admit these feelings. Of course, his wife on the show had resigned to the fact that he had gone off the deep end because he was too much of a wimp to divorce her. She assumed he wanted her to make the decision to leave.

This was one of those rare times on television we see a clear vision of the ridiculous traits men have been taught to foster. Men have decided it wouldn’t be in their best interest to be sensitive and caring, because it would make them appear to be more feminine. So, they cut themselves off from the necessary energy of the heart—compassion.

When men stop listening to the cries of others, they often stop listening to the cry of their own soul. This marks disaster for the entire population. Eventually, when a man gets everything in the world he feels he needs: job advancement, a home, a boat, a wife, children, a girlfriend on the side, and lots of money; he realizes his heart is empty. This is the classic example of a man reaching fifty and going through a major life change.

Finding a sensitive man is not an easy task. Right? But if you use my knowledge of living in a man’s body, and your concept of the right man, together we can get a closer glimpse of just the perfect mix of fact, fiction, and feeling, to find that compatible mate.

(excerpt from "The Girlfriend's Guide to Understanding Men"

        

an excerpt from "Your Gay Friend's Guide to Understanding Men"

In a Bar?

When a man is lonely and horny he goes to a bar. I honestly don’t know too many men who have met their prospective healthy mates in a bar. It has been known to happen, but not often. Mind that word healthy. You can probably meet an alcohol-dependent man, who wants you to support him, at a bar.

So, what do horny men want with women at bars?

Actually probably the same thing you want, at that moment: some intimacy, some touching, someone to make you feel attractive, someone to satisfy your basic sexual needs.

Yes. But do you wonder why these men never turn out to be trustworthy and relationship oriented?

Women are categorically different than a man who is looking to satisfy a basic sexual need. Typically, men are a little less choosy about who they end up with for sex. I hope this doesn’t hurt your feelings, but it’s the truth.

Men look for their fantasies in sexual pursuits. But they look for their mothers, mostly, in a mate. They may hate their mothers, I know, but desire the qualities of a mother (perhaps not their mother, but what they imagine as the ideal mother) in a woman they’ll marry. So, in the back of their minds they think, She is perfect for this moment (for sex, fun, and physical intimacy), but I can’t see her raising my child. I met her in a bar, for God’s sake!

H

        

This text was taken from a sermon given by Reverend Laura Landress of Nashville Center of Spiritual Living:

        

Today I realized that I was angry about something that really mattered to me. But what I didn't realize is what I was angry about and at whom.

        

When you feel like something is driving you other than your own intellect or deep-seatted beliefs; if you feel that an animalistic desire or fear draws you to choices; or if you are replaying history in every relationship, you may be operating on neuropathic memories of the past called attachments. 

Each of us have recorded brain memories that begin at birth, relating to how much we were held, loved, abused, basically--attached. Most of us stay unaware of the impact these attachments have on our lives until we become enmeshed in messy relationships that seem to keep recurring, or find ourselves embroiled in too much alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, or a multitude of other compulsive thoughts or disorders.

For example: you find yourself in love with a man who has clearly mistreated you, lied to you, or cheated, but you can't seem to stop loving him. You take a closer look and you have had a history of relationships that are similar in nature. The men are usually older, dark, call you "baby girl" and loves you as passionately as he abuses. Your dad was a similar man to your mother. He treated you with lots of love, but also was abusive when he drank. You find yourself drinking whenever you're stressed. 

Attachment disorder is when you recreate a scenario in your life from your past to try and heal it. The unfortunate reaction in life, is that creating relationships according to attachments generally never work out unless both people know they are working through this subconscious trauma, which is rarely the case.

Clinical hypnotherapy has been known to help reframe the past and create new neuro- pathways for those suffering from this problem. Let me know if I can help.

        

A Flash in the Pan:

I have found in my own dating experience, that people who come on strong, often burn out quickly. ... << MORE >>

More than any other comment from clients, I hear that people stop desiring their partners sexually in a passionate way. It makes one feel that they are growing apart. If you are a person who is used to that high from new sexual encounters and frequent partners, a solid, long-standing relationship may be difficult simply because you think that the amount sex is comparable to the amount of love.

Let's get something straight: Sex and desire DO NOT equal relationship. I believe that sex and desire are a result of great communication and intimacy, but they do not define relationship. In fact, if sex does define the relationship, you can be sure it will have an ending sometime in the near future.

People change, sex drives change, and sometimes people just get bored doing the same things over and over again.

There are things you can do to spice up your relationship. But let's talk about that after we talk about developing deeper relationship and intimacy.

The first thing I'd recommend to do is to have a heart to heart talk with your partner about your ambivalence or your fear about the sex dying down. Talk frankly about your fear that love may be diminishing, because you are not experiencing the same amount of physical love.

If your partner begins to get uncomfortable with the conversation, just keep owning your own comments and feelings. Don't try to suspect or decide what he or she feels. Times like these, if handled correctly can make a relationship much stronger.

I have a client who has been in a relationship for nearly a year. She is very happy with her new boyfriend, but has very much left her former life to be with him. By that, I mean that she doesn't hang out with her old friends (many of them males) because her new boyfriend thinks it wouldn't be appropriate for her to. He wants her "to act like she is in a committed relationship."  Apparently, he didn't believe the way she acted and some of her choices at the beginning of the relationship, reflected that she wanted commitment from him.

My client really had decided that she wanted to make new choices this time around. She waited for physical intimacy. She talked and dated and related until she felt like physical intimacy would enhance this relationship.  When they finally had sex, it was beautiful, she said.  Intimacy and clarity was something she didn't want to lose in this relationship. She valued it.

But... now she is missing her friends and not so driven by her sexual drive to be encapsulated by her boyfriend. I recommended a heart to heart talk about it.

One of the first things they decided to do was to take more time for themselves, but define it to each other in a way that would help encourage trust. Let's face it, if after a year, you don't trust the person you are with, you definitely should be considering a new relationship. Or, if the issue is your trust problem, seeking counsel for that problem.

The time apart and spending more time with her friends actually helped my client see she was very lucky to be in her committed loving relationship. In fact, she was surprised, but even a few days of not having closeness, made sex incredible and exciting again.

Nothing like a new perspective to add some spice to your relationship.

Talk to me about this..

        

Join the Conversation

Here is a way to voice your needs:
If you want to be a part of any of my upcoming book projects, you may go to my website www.BoSebastian.com and blog about your issue, crisis, or insights.

Some examples of questions you may discuss:

    Are you currently in a committed relationship?
    How many relationships have you had in the past 5 years?
    What irritates you most about men or women?
    What is the one thing you wish you could say to a man or woman, but never have?
    What is your most intimate romantic desire?

If you’re not into blogging, then you may e-mail me at Bosebastian5@gmail.com.
I look forward to reading each of your letters and comments.
Also, there are some Hypnosis MP3 downloads on my website for different issues (weight loss, smoking, insomnia, general relaxation). On my site, you may also buy my yoga video: Boga Fitness and other products related to my yoga instruction. Hopefully, I will soon be adding some MP3s of me singing some of my favorite songs.
Thank you for your support.