Sex and STD's
Sex, thoughts, and relationship
Funny Story - You've Got to Be Able to Add and Subtract to Balance Your Checkbook
I work with
all sorts of different problems as a coach and hypnotist. And with this one
specific man, we were dealing with relationship issues. He was having trouble
committing. (I sense some worried faces out there. Don’t worry, I won’t call you
out…. YET!)
One balmy week in summer my client told
me his mother was in town for a visit, and I gently suggested that she come in
with him for his next session. He
didn’t think it was a problem, so we invited her. Holy mother of God… was I in for a treat!
This
particular man had trouble with monogamy. So, he invites his mother into the conversation
by asking her in his NY Italian accent, “Ma, did you think that you could be
monogamous to Dad when you married him?”
She appeared
to be a little reserved, sitting right at the edge of the couch beside
him. She fidgeted her hands. “We--- ye--- see—hmm-- Ah, no.” Her eyebrows raised. Honestly, I was
pleasantly shocked by her forthright answer.
The son
goes on. “Well, Ma, when you married Harry did you think you could be
monogamous then?”
She looked
at me, then at him. “Mhhh, no!”
“How about Sherwood?”
the client asks, now incredulous.
His mother moved
so close to the front of the couch, that I thought she was going to fall off.
“Well, honey, maybe.”
Being the
good life coach, I smile at his mother without judgment, then quickly focus on
my client: “So, tell me, Dick, how does that make you feel?”
Richard is
just about to launch into a diatribe about finally understanding why he was never
able to be faithful to any of his partners, then looks at his mother and says,
“Ma, You don’t know the definition of monogamy, do you?”
She says, “Ah, no.”
The 3rd noble truth to being Monogamous is Understanding what
Monogamy is and allowing Spirit to help you define it for your life?
Right? If you don’t understand how
to add and subtract, you can’t expect to balance your checkbook.
It’s like
the time my mother used Crack filler to make meatballs. They rose like Mrs.
Shubert’s yeast rolls.
So, you’ve
got to understand the tools of change, before you can expect effective results.
My best relationship: My Puppy Dog (Compassion for Yourself)
This morning I
woke up next to my dog, Coco. He heard me yawning and snuggled up to my face.
He is a blonde and brown, ten-pound Shorkie, a cross between a Yorkie and a
Shit-zu. He puts his teddy bear snout next to my face and gives me a kiss. I
think, what a wonderful way to start this day. Especially, since I went to bed
with the ominous thought: Am I taking care of myself?
Taking care of
yourself means taking care of the entire body-mind-spirit paradigm. It could
mean:
ü
Am I eating the right food;
ü
Am I eating the proper portions for
my body type;
ü
Am I exercising daily;
ü
Am I hiding a feeling with food,
drugs, or alcohol;
ü
Am I hiding a feeling with
shopping;
ü
Am I taking time each day to get
peaceful and quiet and listen to spirit;
ü
Am I being compassionate to myself
and others;
ü
Am I doing something outside by box
to grow;
ü
Am I committing random acts of
kindness;
ü
Am I connecting with the earth
somehow (walks, gardening, swimming);
ü
Am I reaching out to be social;
ü
Am I overworking and forgetting
about myself; and
ü
Am I sleeping enough.
The list could go on and on. You get the
picture. I’m sure you need to ask yourself at least ten of the questions above
daily. If you aren’t, something is wrong.
I
grew up with the idea that the self was the least important person in the
world. To do for myself was being selfish. I either had to find someone who
could read my mind and treat me with the things I wanted, or I wasn’t going to
have them. Because my money and time were used to appease everyone else in my
world, including the poor, the church, beggars on the street. Everyone came
first, but me. I didn’t even have nice clothes. I bought everything I needed
from the Salvation Army store or a second hand shop.
In
retrospect I feel completely different now. I get massages, facials, get a mani-pedi monthly, eat awesome food,
have a wonderful social life, I go to the gym, I do yoga, I satisfy my artistic
desires by singing and playing piano, and I garden to connect to the earth. I
learned that if I wasn’t happy, no one in my world would be happy. I also
learned that compassion to myself was paramount to finding true compassion for
others.
Reflections on Yesterdays
REFLECTION ON YESTERDAYS
I just got back from Yesterday,
skeptical--was I prepared for the moment
fearful--would I be flooded with memories of past hurts
precious--I let go and faced you authentically and found peace
authentic--your touch spontaneous and warm
My Heart races from memory
exhausted from the many new feelings
and yet culminating in surprising peace.
Today, instead of new in its intent and magnificent vistas,
more commentary about yesterday.
I just got back from today.
a reflection on yesterday,
a distorted carnival mirror of the day before.
Cotton Candy, laughing clowns with rotten teeth. Two headed ponies and the smell of floured bubble gum from baseball cards keeping me trapped in red candy drizzle, hardened around my brain.
The now beckons me with peace, calls to my heart to my passion for freedom:
"Come, enjoy, live without fear, experience touch, taste, love to the fullest. It's yours.
I just got back from yester-year. I stayed there far too long, haunted by today and yesterday and shadows far too cold to defrost.
Everyday cascading memories magnify the one poignant truth:
We compare each friends, each kiss with a lover as it were a vivid recollection of a first childhood connection or the hug we missed from a busy daddy.
SHOCK me and wake me from the endless surge of exhausting feelings about the future.
Who shapes it? Who manages it? Who can coerce life to respond as you would like it to?
I just got back from yesterday. Sure it holds power, but not enough power to keep me locked in its embrace.
The dream of tomorrow has more candor and uses all that I am to make the present more alive
"Come on life! Be mine, reckon me reckless and shallow and weird.
Let me not be afraid to find quirky sadness and hope rushing forward toward a new moment with.. with.. you."
I just got back from yesterday with you.
I loved it!
A Friend is a Friend
The Six Signs to Use to Look for a Marital Partner
The Six Signs To Look For
If your sights are set on marriage, you need to be watching for these six signs from men as you are dating:
Does he expect you to do all the cooking?
Does he offer to take you out to dinner sometimes?
Does he help clean up the dishes, bathroom, and bedroom?
Is he interdependent concerning you, or is he maintaining a self- sufficient life?
Is he comfortable talking about the future?
Are his goals compatible with yours?
These are all things that you must look for when it comes to finding men who are capable and ready for a long-term, committed relationship. If a man falls short in some categories, let it be in looks, dress, or personality. Don’t let it be in one of the more critical aspects of survival: jobs, maintaining a vehicle, cleaning the house, etc. Otherwise, you may end up being one of those grief-stricken women working a full-time job, taking care of the children, and cleaning the house. Who could bear that? This same man usually meets some young chicken while sitting at the local coffee shop having his breakfast.
Look for more about this in upcoming blogs..
When to Share Your Garbage
In a garden, growth takes planting, watering, weeding, and eventually reaping the harvest. Or if you have a flower garden, you may just want to simply behold.
Growth can also be likened to a threshing floor, separating the chaff from the wheat.
Growth can be a hot furnace burning away the dross, the impurities.
Growth can be a honing process, a sharpening process. Iron sharpens iron. Sometimes it takes an equally yoked partner to help you get to your hardest, most imprisoned issues.
I advise friends to always wait to share these deep problems until they are secure in a relationship, though. You don’t want to scare away a prospective mate by flinging your old garbage at him.
I’m not suggesting that you hide your past from your partner either. That would be foolish. But wait to work on the tough issues, until you’ve built a solid and sturdy foundation to your relationship.
65Bo Sebastian
I’ve seen more good partnerships ruined because one person decided she had to unload all her garbage in the first month—for honesty’s sake.
For the first year, save your shit for your therapist. Or, if you’re lucky enough to have a good friend, we’ll have lunch.
Can I Meet Your Differences with Compassion?
I Just Don't Think I'm Strong Enough
